Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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