Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
