was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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