So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
