did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize