Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
