hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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