fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
No subtext here. People are naked.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize