found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
