I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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