So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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