i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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