At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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