I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
organizing the empties. That sober.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
