It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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