My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
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