Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize