I'm eating all of the evidence.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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