i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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