I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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