after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
