Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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