dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
