i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Two words: nipple clamps
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