you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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