i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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