We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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