i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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