What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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