Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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