Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
