I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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