Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
