she woke up with a sticky ear
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
