Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
