Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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