You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
