I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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