Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
then he tried to convert me to islam
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
