i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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