Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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