Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
