we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
