The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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