mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
my mouth tastes like poor choices
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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