So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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