sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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