Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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