I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
