even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
