Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
