the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
