I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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