I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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