You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
