You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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