I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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