Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
