I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
