I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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