WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
