I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
