didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
