i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize