She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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