Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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