I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
