if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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